any other way

read it twice and breathe it in, anything less is but a sin...

XVII - Neruda

I dont love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
i love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

i love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

i love you without knowing how, or when, or from
where,
i love you simply, without problems or pride:
i love you in this way becuase i dont know any other
way of loving

but this, in which there is no i or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when i fall asleep it is your eyes that close.



love and pixie dust.

amma-zing

well hello. just a note before i drift off to sleep to give you a very brief update on my time in toronto.
have spent the last 3 days at the retreat with Amma. and omg... basically its unsayable. if you have never experianced her then there are no words that i can say to express the experiance of having darshan (blessings in the form of amma hugs.) every day. and if you have been to a retreat with her you will not need me to explain it for you. amma-zing!

having this experiance with Anandashakti (my teacher) has been the icing on the cake. so rare for me to get time one-on-one with her, and in such a candid way.

it has to be said though... that sometimes the energy of being around amma is so intense, that i find myself looking forward to retreating back to vancouver to my bed, and familiar surroundings and friends.

tomorrow is devi bhava. really looking forward to it. its going to be wild.

in short... yum. so blessed. so blown wide open. so tired. so grateful.

nite nite

love and pixie dust.

tarono

yip. im back here ... again. toronto... for those who arnt in line with the "lingo".

the city is the same as it was when i lived here. and nothing really to right home about - just makes me appreciate vancouver all the more. i have enjoyed however seeing more than just asian and pakehas on the subway though... thats the thing i love about toronto... its multi culturalism. its great... and some of the best restaurants showcasing some of the best food from around the world. the other thing i love about here is the wonderful network of friends that just rock my world! oh its good to see them again...

yesterday (my first day here) i had lunch with my lawyer and then tea with my accountant. fun vacation eh? yip! thats me. then had a lovely dinner with my ex. no other way to put that one... it was lovely though...

today has been hot and adey (my best friend here... my inspiration... and my rolo partner in crime - rolo icecreams that is...) and i have been playing with asana for a couple of hours. working shit that we have no business doing. hehehehehe

then tonight i am goign to dinner with the illusive and ever wonderful amos beechwill. also known as MB.

really really really (have i said really?) looking forard to the Amma retreat on friday for the weekend.... ah... ma.... yum yum yum.

will write again soon....

love and pixie dust.

ps. got my hair cut today... :o)

smell me

a while ago i started to theme my classes... what does love taste like? look like? feel like? sound like, and smell like... my answers to those questions are somewhat private...
but recently i came across a poem that made my toes curl. i like it when my toes curl. so i thought i would share it with you..

THE CINNAMON PEELER by Michael Ondaatje
If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.

Your breasts and shoulders would reek
you could never walk through markets
without the profession of my fingers
floating over you.

The blind would
stumble certain of whom they approached
though you might bathe
under rain gutters, monsoon.

Here on the upper thigh
at this smooth pasture
neighbor to your hair
or the crease
that cuts your back. This ankle.
You will be known among strangers
as the cinnamon peeler's wife.

I could hardly glance at you
before marriage
never touch you--
your keen nosed mother,
your rough brothers.
I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised themover smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers...

When we swam once
I touched you in water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.
You climbed the bank and said
this is how you touch other women
the grasscutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume.
and knew
what good is it
to be the lime burner's daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in an act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of scar.

You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamon peeler's wife. Smell me.

creative juices flow...

namaste!

so the creative juices have been flowing of late. in part as a way to process some shamanic ceremonies i have attended, and in part because thats just how i am and what i do...

so i thought i would put a couple up for you as a way to share the love.

firstly is a painting about 10in square, inspired by a desire to embrace beauty, connection and The Beloved, through a beloved...

the words you can see in the backround are for me to know and you to wonder about. its kinda like at the end of "lost in translation" where bill murray wispers something in the girls ear... and your forever wondering if it was words of love, or a joke about the camera guy...




the next painting (6 x 14in) and poem/s were inspired by a "work" peruvian shamanic ceremony last week. when i say "work" i dont mean getting paid... i mean going really deep in meditation to explore parts of yourself that you have never dared go to before. sometimes its scary, sometimes its esctacy its its purest form. somes... its unsayable. this work however i was very blessed in that i was given words to share... and this is what came...



My Beloved.

in the wee small hours when im paralized with fear,
and the sense of separation is too much to bare,
you kneel before me to sing me a lullaby,
and balm me with fragrance as i start to cry,
my tears are of longing yet gratitude too,
as i come to the comfort
that i am you.

*****
Expectations

How do i teach you when you already know the answers?
you are the answers,
its as though you are the rain wanting to experiance being wet,
fire,
urning to experiance the intracacies of heat,
you are already what you seek

follow me
or dont
for i love you anyway
for you ARE me
and i am love

whether resistance or surrender speaks from you today
offer it to me
with trust
gratitude
and breath
for all experiance is but play.

******
root to rise
let me step so lightly on the earth,
that the grass beneath my feet,
is unaware of the burden it bares.


love and pixie dust...

ps. oh and lastly... i released an album this week... its a surya namaskara (sun salutations album) in the next month or so you will be able to buy it from itunes and audible.com you can also get a physical copy from me... just email me at info@puraluna.com ciao!

i give new meaning to the word...

exhausted!

well hello again. i hope this finds you in good spirits.

since i last wrote... nothing much has changed. i still have not "stopped" to collect my breath. in fact all attempts to taking it easy and chilling out have backfired dreadfully...

the latest was this weekend. a long weekend here for canada day. Fi and Harry and i decided to go on a short over night camping/hiking trip.... yay!!!!! 5km in and 5km out in hope/manning park...

typical though. we had all the energy in the world to start with and the first 5k seemed to go by like a breeze.... so we decided to go to the next campsite... another 8.5kms.... yip... 10km turned into 27. how did that happen? F&%^$ed if i know.

the thing that got me the most. was the distance... im fairly fit... but it was the 50lbs on my back... and the 3-4km of the hike that was in a foot of snow... in hiking boots....

i ended up beign so tired on the way back that i twisted my knee (from an old skiing injury) and the last 7 km out ended up being a news lesson in how to find grace in beauty in absolute agony.

anyway... some photos for your ammusement. from the views you can see it was worth it. and yes... thats me on the hammock. yes... i hiked in my hammock that i have in my appartment...

much love and pixie dust...